|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
A cry in the NightI've always felt empty since I can remember.
I don't know what being happy means. I feel like an empty shell, a simple mistake at birth.
My life should have been given to someone worth it, not me. Living this shouldn't be possible. It is simply a waste.
My mom used to say I wasn't wanted. That everything would have been better. Sometimes she said it was only a lie, on the moment. It was too late anyway.
She cried a lot, argued with my father, making noises all around the house.
"What do you think of people committing suicide ? Are they courageous or weak ?"
I evaded her question with a smile.
I watched her fall apart, becoming thinner by the days, feeling it was my fault. My responsibility to take care of her. I wasn't the child anymore.
I watched my father working all day long, barely caring. Going home to scream on us, frightening me forever.
I listened to my mom's complaints. Listened to her saying to 8year-old-me she was going to kill herself, every week.
I remember hiding under my
IowaIf you visit Iowa,
you'll call her fields empty,
but she wasn't born that way.
A part of her was carved out
when she was ripped between Virginia
and the purple mountains of New Mexico.
Her gold hair, she tore it out when she realized
it didn't make her a princess.
She laid her locks strung along every road
leading somewhere else.
White hairs on her cheeks
are scars from winter.
Her hair darkens with the dampness
of summer rains.
The storms are never silent,
but neither is life when there's a tear
in your childhood where
a parent ought to be.
I've been flooded by Iowa's sorrow.
The only way I can distract her from her own voided landscape
is if I hate myself harder than she cries.
She just wants to fly
and I want to bus or train,
not because I fear death, but because
I want to take living slow.
It's the only way I ever feel.
From the air it's hard to watch Earth's hips move.
But Earth can't compare to the country.
That's my girl.
Full grown even when harvesting season's j
Keep in Touch!
scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More